Letting 2015 Go

We're 10 hours in 2016. Can you believe it? I can't. I wonder why is that though, like, the more I age, the years seem more like a snap. And here I am, struggling on how to keep all of my 2015 moments in one post. I vowed to make 2015 more of moments, creating and living, and I'm happy to say that I did. So many different kinds of moments happened but so as not to bore y'all and myself, I'm going to keep it short and simple.

After 5 months of being f-unemployed, I got a job last April and with that of course, there are new characters in my life. We've become clingy with each other, I have to say, up to the point where we even joke about how clingy we are. Most of my 2015 moments are with them. From the good shits to the bad shits to the mediocre shits, to all kind of shits, really, we've been with each other and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them better. 

My forever, different sets of friends are still alive though. But we didn't have much time for each other I believe. Everyone's a Facebook message away, it's just that all of us were busy with our own lives like one or some couldn't adjust anymore. I miss them a lot but I guess we're in a low-key type of friendship now where we don't really need to see each other every month but for sure, the love is always there. 

#FamilyIsForever as Ianne would always say, my Lolo Daddy turned 80 this year and it was a huge celebration for the family. I'm really glad it turned out beyond good and so proud of my Mama for pulling it off. For that celebration, too, I got to see my Tita Arlene again. She was here for only 3 weeks but it was a blast. 

My 2015 family moments are pretty much summed up with Papa and Gian cooking for me and waking me up and Mama yelling at me for my messy room. I am so not complaining. They are the only ones who will spoil me like this. I love them to bits.

As for my travels, well, this blog's pretty much updated with that. I was in Calaguas last March and in Kwebang Lampas last August (with new work friends, see, we're making moments!). I just simply see myself in the sea. But maybe it's time to climb mountains. It's a different view up there, I'm sure. And then I could say I conquered the world.

Last November, I was in Hong Kong and Macau with Hannah and Fong for #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals. In lieu of keeping it short and simple, Disneyland's the shit and you must have a Portuguese egg tart to save your life. 

2015 was when I had the most amazing person in the world and I ruined it. As much as it pains me to say it, yes, I ruined him. I held and lived all my insecurities and I ended up hurting the person who made me so incredibly happy. If I could erase all of the bad things that happened between us, hell, if I could even erase myself from his life, I would've. But I couldn't. And that's what hurts me the most. I pray for his forgiveness every night. I pray that he's at peace. I even pray for him to forget all of what happened. I pray for him to forget all about me. And I hope someday, I can pray for myself, too, to be able to forgive myself for what I did and to gracefully let him go. I know no amounts of sorry and kind words would be enough but I really hope he has forgiven me.

"Let hurt, let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go."

I told myself to be more courageous last 2015 and I was given a big shot to be but I half-assed it. I tried. I may have failed but trying will lead to something, right?

I should get used to risks. It's a step from creating and living moments, too. More so, I should get used to taking risks. Everything is given to us in half, I believe. But we shouldn't live half of life, we shouldn't feel only half of feelings. It's up to us to take on to that other half and live and feel the entirety of our life.

I have no idea how but maybe participating more, wanting life more and being all the things I have never been is a good start. Trying is a good start.

I'm excited for 2016. Here's another year of happiness, being thankful of the sadness, of dreaming, creating and living the life you've always wanted. Another year of chances, changing and moving. 

Chungking Express: Hong Kong and Macau

I make it a point to travel internationally once or twice a year after I did Indochina. So December last year, I was planning to go on a solo trip and I was thinking Singapore or Hong Kong, you know, let's stay on the safe cities in Southeast Asia if I were to be alone, hah. I opened the idea to Hannah and she said she can come with me to Hong Kong and ask Fong to come with, too. That's how this trip was born.

They flew in from Dubai with a little side trip to India and I came from home. I was really nervous going to the airport alone since I'm used to having my family and friends for trips but I as soon I stepped inside, my mature, 26-year-old self told the ever-doubting me, "Hey, you got this, you want this." As always, I then realized that it's always good to be alone. You handle your own time and this is an opportunity to prove to yourself how you have your shit together. Mama and Chianne were proud of me for flying in and out solo though so that's a plus. ;)

Yay for #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals!

So what do we know of Hong Kong and Macau... Well, it's not China, let's get that straight. But still, there are a lot of Chinese people in Hong Kong though they prefer to be called Hongkongers. It has a Disneyland, and it can get really cold so it's basically the easiest place to go to for Southeast Asians who wants out of of the heat.

Speaking of, being in Hong Kong made me a little weather conscious, as in commanding Google "weather in Hong Kong" every morning. I was scared I'll die of itchiness but I enjoyed and loved the cold weather. I was surprised people knew what to wear as the coldness isn't the same each day, like they know when it's going to be super cold and bitch-you're-going-to-be-an-ice cold. But then, it's not like here in Manila where it's just sunny and hot almost the entire year. You really have to check out the weather before you go out unless you want to die cold in the streets.

Hong Kong National Museum of History.

Victoria Harbour.

Tsim Sha Tsui Clock Tower.

The walking surprised the hell out of me. I didn't think I'd do 18,000 steps per day as it's a city for crying out loud. I think I lost a layer of fat and grew a vein but it was all good. Walking is an exercise, right? Their MTR is really accessible though. You can go anywhere with that little Octopus Card which will save you a lot of money instead of taking a cab. We still took cabs, haha. It can get pretty tiring after a long day of walking.

Tian Tan Budda.

Yup, we decided to be spiritual that day.

Po Lin Monastery.

The Peak Tram.

Hong Kong, you're so beautiful.

Table sharing is common in Hong Kong. We were pointed to a room full of tables and Hannah was like, "Where? Saan tayo uupo?". It was kind of awkward at first but we learned not to mind and even talk about people's food. Looking at what they're eating can help you eat the best the restaurant can offer, haha.

Chicken, ham and Pekiiiiiiing!

Water. Lol, no. It's milk tea.

Having W-Fi everywhere, as in literally (I am not exaggerating this) everywhere is one of the best things in Hong Kong. In a bus, MTR, in the middle of the street, you can have an internet connection. Not that they need it, though, people there probably have phone data but you can never get lost in Hong Kong as again, there's Wi-Fi everywhere!

3rd day in Hong Kong is Disneyland day. Oh man, I cannot even begin to... I'm so lost for words! That day is for the books, seriously on of the best days of my life so far. I saw a part of my childhood in one place. And no shame in my Disney game as I am a grown woman who cried at the parade and fireworks display. I cannot believe I'm saying this but Disneyland is truly the world's happiest place.

Me love you loooooong time, Disneyland!

Ocean Park, babyyyy!

Fong and the yumo rice roll!

We did a day trip in Macau, too. It was on a Sunday so the Senado Square's packed but it's all right, it's okay as there's egg tart every step of the way! We enjoyed the Portuguese vibe of this little city and it made us feel we're in Europe. Huge casinos are everywhere in Taipa Island. We went to The Venetian for the Canal but it's didn't wow me that much. If you're not too big on gambling and have very limited time in this part of the world, I'd skip Macau, tbqh.

Ola, Macau!

Fisherman's Wharf.

Feliz Natal de Macau.

Ruinas de San Paulo.

PORTUGUESE EGG TART!!!

At The Venetian.

This trip just solidified the fact that I am a city girl at heart. I felt at home in Hong Kong and Macau. I kind of imagined living there and feeling totally okay with it. I loved every bit of the rich history, the urban jungle-ness, the diversity of culture, the movement of people and yes again, the weather. Or maybe just because it's November, who knows, lol.

So this wraps up my 2015 travels plus hello, #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals. Abby told me once, "Layas ka ng layas, ang dami mong pera!" I don't, FYI. But if you really want something, you'll go for it. Doesn't matter how hard or whatever people may think or say about me, I'll go. That's what traveling is about, I think. It's about the destination and of actually going. The important thing is that you move.

I love you, Hannah and Fong. :)

Fast Kwebang Lampas

I was on a quick trip to a beautiful beach near Manila with my new friends (I'll talk about them and more soon, haha!). Ianne and her small family loves going around the country in search for pristine beaches. They've been to the famous ones the Philippines is known for and the hidden ones which I'm really excited about. They try to go out once a month and they let me tag along to Pagbilao, Quezon for Kwebang Lampas last August.

I shall flood you pictures now. 

So nice to be back on the road after months stuck with my new job.

I wouldn't go far as to saying that camping is easy, 

FYI, it's not, you just get used to it. 

And Ianne's so used to it, she made us feel at home in an island. 

Kwebang Lampas, Pagbilao, Quezon.

Booze, cigs, friends and the beach.

What I always want - quiet mornings.

It's always good to discover new places one can simply drive to away from the busy city. It was a nice getaway. Well, I'd take any getaways at the beach, that's for sure. Looking forward for more trips with my new family. ;)

Bliss in Calaguas

Last weekend, to celebrate Drew's birthday, Florie, Vivi, Randy, of course, the birthday boy and moi decided to go south to Camarines Norte for the beautiful island of Calaguas. I've always wanted to go there, it's on my list actually, so yeah, it's hitting two birds with one stone kinda thing. Florie booked us a spot at Lakbay Kay Saya Pilipinas so everything was all set, we just had to go show up.

The Manila to Daet, Camarines Norte drive was 8 hours long so we just slept, ate and talked loudly inside the van. We were with other people but we didn't mind. With almost everything, we never really mind anyway. After the long drive, it was a 2-hour boat ride to the island. Okay, I didn't forget how rough Camarines waves were. What I did forget though was to bring meds for it. A few years back, during my trip to Caramoan, which is at Camarines Sur, the 2-hour boat ride gave me an insane anxiety attack that I cried when we got off the boat. Good thing I was with my family then and they were geared up with lots of meds and even had a pulse fingertip oximeter. Now, it was a huge mistake to forget even just a single medicine for this trip, but thankfully, I survived it. Vivi hugged the shit out of me and let me smoke 3 cigs straight when we got on land. If ever I go back to Camarines for any remote island, remind me of my meds, alright?

Calaguas is magical. Scorching bright sun, white and smooth sand and the water is clear as crystal. No blaring music but the sound of people having fun and the waves hitting the shore. Calaguas is, again, magical.

So what did we do? Nothing. We just frolicked all day. We soaked up nature's finest - the sun, sand and water. It was perfect.

We hiked up this 20-minute trail to see the island from the top. 

Almost killed me, of course, 

but I'm happy I did that climb.

When the day turned in to night, I was floating in the sea. I let the water hug and carry me as the sun descended from the sky and the canvas of the earth changed from bright blue to a mixture of red, orange and purple. It was there when I asked myself, "What am I doing here? Do I even belong here? Why am I here?"

When all the colors seemed to be eaten by the darkness, I let those questions linger, had dinner and commenced the obligatory alcohol sesh with the rest of the group. Great place, food and people, what more can I ask for?  We played lasing bobo loudly while drinking and it was one of the best lasing bobo games ever. Drinking and getting wasted by the beach with my friends and the new ones elevated that moment from happy to the best. And we all know what happens to best memories, yeah?

I was 2 bottles of Red Horse away from getting drunk but luckily, the alcohol gave up on us first. I decided to go skinny dipping with Florie and Drew and it was beyond crazy. Crazy in a very good way, of course. It's liberating. We didn't have any light except what the moon provided but the laughter with what we're doing was music to my ears. It was a night of pure laughter, I have to say.

I let myself float again under the black sky, unreal bright moon and tiny stars shattered everywhere as if pieces of broken glass. I always appreciate moments when I can get to see stars. Being a city girl, I hardly see stars anymore or most of the time, I'm way too comfortable with the city's dashing lights that I forget that stars exist. There, surprisingly, I got the answer to my very emotional questions earlier. It's as if the the moon, stars and the cold sea whispered it to me... "You're here to see this. Exactly this. Because you are a part of all this. You're right where you're supposed to be."

Floating in the dark, instead of being scared, I was smiling. I am smiling now as I type this. That moment made me feel more than good. More than human even. It made me feel one with every fiber of my being. It made me one with everything. I felt sheer bliss.

I wish I had a picture, even just a single picture of the sun, moon, sky, sea, the colors, of that moment, all in one frame. Not just to put in here but for people to understand what I felt because of those elements. But I guess what I got there is only for me.

And for that, I am forever thankful of you, Calaguas.