Thanks to Instagram I can easily look back at what went down this 2013. Photos are for looking back at moments we were congested with feelings, may it be good or bad; moments we'll never get back.
2013 was a huge deal to my family. I got to see my Tita Arlene again after almost 11 years and there's my lola at Ilocos who dropped by and I haven't seen her in years, too. It's amazing how much we love someone even though we don't get to see and experience their warmth everyday. It's faith, I guess, knowing that they are there, makes the distance seem like nothing.
My brothers graduated from college this year. Yes, I am a proud Ate. It took them time to graduate but our family didn't mind. Having education is the only thing our parents can give us that won't be ripped off just as easily. So with that, they can take all the time they want. This is their time after all.
Papa won this year's barangay elections, too and we all worked hard to give him all the support he needs. My parentals just has this innate light in them to help people. I have witnessed yet again some people try to diminish that light but my parents are strong; helping others makes them who they are.
I was kind of lost on the friends part on the first months of 2013. I had a phase where I didn't know what to say to them so I just listened. But they emerged for me, everyone emerged for me, when I needed them the most. I am forever grateful of them and I wouldn't have gone through that sucky situation without them. This year tested how far we can go for each other and I'm proud to say that we have passed. We have given each other time and really, we all just need someone to be there. With friendship, you just have to be there and listen, and if you're lucky, they will ask you for what you think.
I was able to tell them things I can't tell to myself. I love the love they give me, they make me feel untouchable. We remind each other who we are. Friends are there to make you laugh and cry and realize who you really are.
I got to travel a lot this year, up top please as since last 2012, I promised to give some time to travel. I got to go to Caramoan last February and it was beautiful. I have experienced the Pahiyas Festival in Quezon with my High School friends and lastly, CDO, Lanao del Norte and Bukidnon with Ella, Vivi and Florie. I have always loved indulging myself in different cultures and seeing beautiful places one has to see, as this world is so big, as a human being, you can't just stay in your couch and watch TV. And I believe that being in a different place makes you discover things you don't even know about yourself.
I also got to go to a concert this year - The XX. It was a magical moment with Ella and I won't ever forget the music filling my ears and letting my body dance.
While I enjoyed going out, of course there are days where I preferred pajamas over people. It's just wasn't enough to fulfill my yearly 100 movies and 10 books. I'm sorry, self. I only got to watch 76 films and read 2 books. It's embarrassing. But GRMM's ASoS was way ass long and my HD for movies was busted for almost a month. I'll make it up this 2014, I promise.
Work was pretty swell for me this 2013. My 22-year-old self is currently giving me a high-five for sticking to a job for a year now. I've always wanted a stable job and I have it now. Some of my officemates were laid off and that sucked big time, especially since I was just getting used to them in my life, but you know, friendships just don't happen. You guys work on it and so far, we're doing pretty good. I don't remember who told me that having real friends at work is impossible but I'm proud to say that I have a small circle of friends and they make it less boring.
One can never go through life without a friend and I am beyond thankful that I have tons. Like, really, tons. To all of my friends, from the bottom of my heart, half-coated of nicotine lungs and always-craving-for-Macchiato tongue, thank you. Thank you for being up with me in the clouds and holding my hand when it's time to go down. I'm looking forward to more years with you guys. My love for you grows each and every time. I will never get tired of crazy moments with you. You make everything in my life colorful.
To my mains - Papa, Mama, Gian and Red (GAAAAAD I'M CRYING), thank you. Thank you for simply being you and loving Nikka. Everything I do and will do are all for you. Thank you for not seeing me differently even if I fuck up. We had a great year and life is so beautiful because of you guys. I love you.
To the new ones in my life, OMG, brace yourselves, we're gonna have one sweet and awesome ride! No seriously, thank you for accepting me for who I am. And I am more than grateful for you letting me in to your life. I'm still trying to figure things out and maybe you are too, so let's figure things out together. I cannot wait for this relationship to grow and I want you to know that you've got a friend in me.
For those who came and left, thank you. Still. Life's a constant motion of change. It's sad that with that change, we don't understand things between us anymore but the universe conspired for us to meet. That has to mean something. Now, maybe it's just through. We're not sure exactly why and what for but it will all come together. I believe in that. And I'm glad I had you once in this lifetime. I'm sorry if ever I hurt you. I want you to be happy, so happy, even in the parts of your life that I will probably never see.
2013 has been nice to me. Thinking about the things that I did, the things that I now aim for, people did for me, the way I think, and the people around me, makes me sigh, smile and realize that this is the life I've always wanted. This is the life that people get jealous of. I got my family and friends. Pretty solid. I grow every year and I am blessed. The latter part of the year wasn't exactly good but I take full responsibility of that. My life's good, I mean, I couldn't ask for more. But I did and that's why shit hit the fan. I kept on hurting myself, asking and looking for things not meant for me. I know it's completely okay to desire but too much can kill you. I'm a person who's never content and I don't intend to be just okay with what I have, but really, you have to want the right things. I don't particularly know how to distinguish those things but you'll feel it, you know. I have experienced the power of human instinct this year - you'll feel it if it's for you. People get hurt because they don't know their place. I was hurt because I didn't know mine, but I now do. A friend told me once that I get angry easily but I'm slowly proving otherwise, I think. I'm learning how to control myself. I'm learning how to let go gracefully the things that aren't for me.
Randy and I roll our eyes when we hear people talk about resolutions. We're negative like that. I don't do resolutions because I'm pretty secure of who I am. Well, still needs some minor touch ups. I'm not a future-thinking person but maybe it's time - let go of the past, live the moment and think about the future. Well, once in a while.
So as for resolutions, fine - to lessen smoking and time on Facebook and Twitter. To love myself more; to realize that I may know how to handle pain but that doesn't mean I'd always let myself endure it. And to smile more. Not mentally-crazy-smile but you know - smile.
I'll be 25 years old this year. I know myself, I am living the life I have always wanted but I still don't know who I want to be. I think that's hard to even think about, but when I look at the people around me, I realize I want to be like them. The people you surround yourself with brings out the best in you.
I want to be like my parents, always willing to help other people and forgive every shit that brothers and I do. I want to be like my friends, always saying what needs to be said regardless of the situation, always willing to give time for the things that matter. I want to be a true friend. I want to be like the new people in my life, always seeing the good in every one. I want to be thoughtful. I want to be like the ones who left. I want to be brave enough to walk away from the things that no longer serves me and protects me.
I want to be all that. Not necessarily completely but I want to, at least, manifest those characters because I may be flawed but I want to be the best that I can be.
Lastly, I want to be happy. I want to be filled with good vibes. Don't get me wrong, I recognize bad shit but with bad shit you should just see it, feel it and eventually move on from it.
Life goes on anyway.
Happiness is a choice and I'm wishing for all of you to choose that. Always.
Maraming Salamat, 2013!
2014, I am ready for you, bitch!
Happy New Year, y'all!
