"Once In My Life, I Wasn't On The Ground"

I am so freaking happy right now!!! Indescribable!

This day is like the prize for every thing that I've worked for, not just for job (now you know this is somewhat job related!) but for my entire being. I'm going to sound cheesy in a few seconds but, do you know what they say about when you do good things, good things happen to you? That is the perfect explanation for what I am feeling right now.

I'm not a good person but every day, every freaking day, I try to be. Sometimes, people, my friends, notice it and I'm thankful and appreciative that they see my effort. But sometimes, they don't. They see me as being two-faced or best of all, passive. It hurts. But really, at the end of the day, it's me who matters, you know. It's how I think and how I act. And so far, I believe I'm doing a pretty good job at it.

After all that shit that happened to me last year, I've learned how to easily face reality. It's another factor of why people may think I'm a heartless bitch. In a way, I am. But I see it more in the light of simply thinking for myself. A little selfishness won't hurt you. And it's growth, it's part of self-evolution. Tough love, you know. And I guess, if I wasn't too hard on myself, I wouldn't appreciate better days in a better way, like I do now.
I remember what Ella told me before, "The sad days in my life will teach me things that happy days couldn't." I have learned. And now, happy days are teaching me not to be scared of the sad days, merely because I have been there and I have experienced it. It's also making me have a little faith in hope. Yup, I lost that too amongst other things when I was at the brink of my life last year. But I realized that those rays of sunshine are just there. It's just in the manner of how I see it.

I feel so lucky to have experienced and felt the extremes in my life. I'm young, at the prime of my life and it's good to be able to feel all the feelings. This is the time to immerse myself in everything. Time will come where I will feel I'm already past things and I don't want that. What I want is to look back and say, "Once in my life, I wasn't on the ground."