I feel ugly today probably because it's the first day of my monthly bleeding vagina. I'm wearing my favorite black v-neck shirt and my boobs usually look good in this one but today, it's just not working for me. My face is breaking out, thank you hormones, and Bobbhie and Jan witnessed a dreaded, unavoidable moment in a girl's life - red alert. On a chair. At Ristras. This fine Mexican restaurant with huge Chimichangas. It's so fucking embarrassing. I couldn't stop saying sorry to the both of them, they told me it's okay but I'm just way too embarrassed, I have no words for it.
Then I got home, our water's cut off, thanks to my mom who kept on ignoring the bills for two months. Like seriously, how am I gonna work or how one will ever work without water? I had to get water over at daddy's before I could even clean myself. Imagine.
I am so exhausted. I'm dehydrated. I feel so dirty and ugly or maybe I'm just exaggerating but I don't fucking care.
Why do I surround myself with people who just pull me down? Why do I pick people who treats me like I'm nothing? And more importantly, why does it take time, painful over thinking and ahem, lotsa girl talk, for me to realize what's healthy and not in my life? Do I need to attend a class on judging people and maturity 101? I'm really trying to be good, you know. Most days, it all goes smoothly but with just one, tiny, strike, I completely loose it. Why am I like that? Is being good making me weak? Should I go back to being a cold-blooded bitch? I seriously don't know how to deal.
"If only I could slap that person with money" sabi ko nga, award ka dito!
ReplyDelete"Is being good making me weak?" Sabi ko kay Bobs last Sunday, dude bakit ang hirap maging mabait? Parang it takes more effort to do something other people won't be happy about. So I did that, I told myself fuck hindi ko na kelangan iplease tong tao na to, I'll do whatever I want. I did and it was awesome to not care but hurting someone important in the process, parang haaa maybe it's more worth it to make an effort to be good. Pero mahirap talaga maging mabait. Haha.
*I mean it takes more effort to be good than do something other people won't be happy about. :)
DeleteWhen you're good, nobody notices it. You care so much but people don't appreciate it. Pero when you're bad, you're this mean bitch. Saan ako lulugar? I tend to do bad things because I'm already hurt and that's my way of venting it out. And then they will say you're being selfish. Srsly. Ang hirap maging mabait. Minsan na nga lang ako mabait, ganito pa.
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