Letting 2015 Go

We're 10 hours in 2016. Can you believe it? I can't. I wonder why is that though, like, the more I age, the years seem more like a snap. And here I am, struggling on how to keep all of my 2015 moments in one post. I vowed to make 2015 more of moments, creating and living, and I'm happy to say that I did. So many different kinds of moments happened but so as not to bore y'all and myself, I'm going to keep it short and simple.

After 5 months of being f-unemployed, I got a job last April and with that of course, there are new characters in my life. We've become clingy with each other, I have to say, up to the point where we even joke about how clingy we are. Most of my 2015 moments are with them. From the good shits to the bad shits to the mediocre shits, to all kind of shits, really, we've been with each other and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them better. 

My forever, different sets of friends are still alive though. But we didn't have much time for each other I believe. Everyone's a Facebook message away, it's just that all of us were busy with our own lives like one or some couldn't adjust anymore. I miss them a lot but I guess we're in a low-key type of friendship now where we don't really need to see each other every month but for sure, the love is always there. 

#FamilyIsForever as Ianne would always say, my Lolo Daddy turned 80 this year and it was a huge celebration for the family. I'm really glad it turned out beyond good and so proud of my Mama for pulling it off. For that celebration, too, I got to see my Tita Arlene again. She was here for only 3 weeks but it was a blast. 

My 2015 family moments are pretty much summed up with Papa and Gian cooking for me and waking me up and Mama yelling at me for my messy room. I am so not complaining. They are the only ones who will spoil me like this. I love them to bits.

As for my travels, well, this blog's pretty much updated with that. I was in Calaguas last March and in Kwebang Lampas last August (with new work friends, see, we're making moments!). I just simply see myself in the sea. But maybe it's time to climb mountains. It's a different view up there, I'm sure. And then I could say I conquered the world.

Last November, I was in Hong Kong and Macau with Hannah and Fong for #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals. In lieu of keeping it short and simple, Disneyland's the shit and you must have a Portuguese egg tart to save your life. 

2015 was when I had the most amazing person in the world and I ruined it. As much as it pains me to say it, yes, I ruined him. I held and lived all my insecurities and I ended up hurting the person who made me so incredibly happy. If I could erase all of the bad things that happened between us, hell, if I could even erase myself from his life, I would've. But I couldn't. And that's what hurts me the most. I pray for his forgiveness every night. I pray that he's at peace. I even pray for him to forget all of what happened. I pray for him to forget all about me. And I hope someday, I can pray for myself, too, to be able to forgive myself for what I did and to gracefully let him go. I know no amounts of sorry and kind words would be enough but I really hope he has forgiven me.

"Let hurt, let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go."

I told myself to be more courageous last 2015 and I was given a big shot to be but I half-assed it. I tried. I may have failed but trying will lead to something, right?

I should get used to risks. It's a step from creating and living moments, too. More so, I should get used to taking risks. Everything is given to us in half, I believe. But we shouldn't live half of life, we shouldn't feel only half of feelings. It's up to us to take on to that other half and live and feel the entirety of our life.

I have no idea how but maybe participating more, wanting life more and being all the things I have never been is a good start. Trying is a good start.

I'm excited for 2016. Here's another year of happiness, being thankful of the sadness, of dreaming, creating and living the life you've always wanted. Another year of chances, changing and moving. 

Chungking Express: Hong Kong and Macau

I make it a point to travel internationally once or twice a year after I did Indochina. So December last year, I was planning to go on a solo trip and I was thinking Singapore or Hong Kong, you know, let's stay on the safe cities in Southeast Asia if I were to be alone, hah. I opened the idea to Hannah and she said she can come with me to Hong Kong and ask Fong to come with, too. That's how this trip was born.

They flew in from Dubai with a little side trip to India and I came from home. I was really nervous going to the airport alone since I'm used to having my family and friends for trips but I as soon I stepped inside, my mature, 26-year-old self told the ever-doubting me, "Hey, you got this, you want this." As always, I then realized that it's always good to be alone. You handle your own time and this is an opportunity to prove to yourself how you have your shit together. Mama and Chianne were proud of me for flying in and out solo though so that's a plus. ;)

Yay for #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals!

So what do we know of Hong Kong and Macau... Well, it's not China, let's get that straight. But still, there are a lot of Chinese people in Hong Kong though they prefer to be called Hongkongers. It has a Disneyland, and it can get really cold so it's basically the easiest place to go to for Southeast Asians who wants out of of the heat.

Speaking of, being in Hong Kong made me a little weather conscious, as in commanding Google "weather in Hong Kong" every morning. I was scared I'll die of itchiness but I enjoyed and loved the cold weather. I was surprised people knew what to wear as the coldness isn't the same each day, like they know when it's going to be super cold and bitch-you're-going-to-be-an-ice cold. But then, it's not like here in Manila where it's just sunny and hot almost the entire year. You really have to check out the weather before you go out unless you want to die cold in the streets.

Hong Kong National Museum of History.

Victoria Harbour.

Tsim Sha Tsui Clock Tower.

The walking surprised the hell out of me. I didn't think I'd do 18,000 steps per day as it's a city for crying out loud. I think I lost a layer of fat and grew a vein but it was all good. Walking is an exercise, right? Their MTR is really accessible though. You can go anywhere with that little Octopus Card which will save you a lot of money instead of taking a cab. We still took cabs, haha. It can get pretty tiring after a long day of walking.

Tian Tan Budda.

Yup, we decided to be spiritual that day.

Po Lin Monastery.

The Peak Tram.

Hong Kong, you're so beautiful.

Table sharing is common in Hong Kong. We were pointed to a room full of tables and Hannah was like, "Where? Saan tayo uupo?". It was kind of awkward at first but we learned not to mind and even talk about people's food. Looking at what they're eating can help you eat the best the restaurant can offer, haha.

Chicken, ham and Pekiiiiiiing!

Water. Lol, no. It's milk tea.

Having W-Fi everywhere, as in literally (I am not exaggerating this) everywhere is one of the best things in Hong Kong. In a bus, MTR, in the middle of the street, you can have an internet connection. Not that they need it, though, people there probably have phone data but you can never get lost in Hong Kong as again, there's Wi-Fi everywhere!

3rd day in Hong Kong is Disneyland day. Oh man, I cannot even begin to... I'm so lost for words! That day is for the books, seriously on of the best days of my life so far. I saw a part of my childhood in one place. And no shame in my Disney game as I am a grown woman who cried at the parade and fireworks display. I cannot believe I'm saying this but Disneyland is truly the world's happiest place.

Me love you loooooong time, Disneyland!

Ocean Park, babyyyy!

Fong and the yumo rice roll!

We did a day trip in Macau, too. It was on a Sunday so the Senado Square's packed but it's all right, it's okay as there's egg tart every step of the way! We enjoyed the Portuguese vibe of this little city and it made us feel we're in Europe. Huge casinos are everywhere in Taipa Island. We went to The Venetian for the Canal but it's didn't wow me that much. If you're not too big on gambling and have very limited time in this part of the world, I'd skip Macau, tbqh.

Ola, Macau!

Fisherman's Wharf.

Feliz Natal de Macau.

Ruinas de San Paulo.

PORTUGUESE EGG TART!!!

At The Venetian.

This trip just solidified the fact that I am a city girl at heart. I felt at home in Hong Kong and Macau. I kind of imagined living there and feeling totally okay with it. I loved every bit of the rich history, the urban jungle-ness, the diversity of culture, the movement of people and yes again, the weather. Or maybe just because it's November, who knows, lol.

So this wraps up my 2015 travels plus hello, #InternationalTravelFriendshipGoals. Abby told me once, "Layas ka ng layas, ang dami mong pera!" I don't, FYI. But if you really want something, you'll go for it. Doesn't matter how hard or whatever people may think or say about me, I'll go. That's what traveling is about, I think. It's about the destination and of actually going. The important thing is that you move.

I love you, Hannah and Fong. :)

Bliss in Calaguas

Last weekend, to celebrate Drew's birthday, Florie, Vivi, Randy, of course, the birthday boy and moi decided to go south to Camarines Norte for the beautiful island of Calaguas. I've always wanted to go there, it's on my list actually, so yeah, it's hitting two birds with one stone kinda thing. Florie booked us a spot at Lakbay Kay Saya Pilipinas so everything was all set, we just had to go show up.

The Manila to Daet, Camarines Norte drive was 8 hours long so we just slept, ate and talked loudly inside the van. We were with other people but we didn't mind. With almost everything, we never really mind anyway. After the long drive, it was a 2-hour boat ride to the island. Okay, I didn't forget how rough Camarines waves were. What I did forget though was to bring meds for it. A few years back, during my trip to Caramoan, which is at Camarines Sur, the 2-hour boat ride gave me an insane anxiety attack that I cried when we got off the boat. Good thing I was with my family then and they were geared up with lots of meds and even had a pulse fingertip oximeter. Now, it was a huge mistake to forget even just a single medicine for this trip, but thankfully, I survived it. Vivi hugged the shit out of me and let me smoke 3 cigs straight when we got on land. If ever I go back to Camarines for any remote island, remind me of my meds, alright?

Calaguas is magical. Scorching bright sun, white and smooth sand and the water is clear as crystal. No blaring music but the sound of people having fun and the waves hitting the shore. Calaguas is, again, magical.

So what did we do? Nothing. We just frolicked all day. We soaked up nature's finest - the sun, sand and water. It was perfect.

We hiked up this 20-minute trail to see the island from the top. 

Almost killed me, of course, 

but I'm happy I did that climb.

When the day turned in to night, I was floating in the sea. I let the water hug and carry me as the sun descended from the sky and the canvas of the earth changed from bright blue to a mixture of red, orange and purple. It was there when I asked myself, "What am I doing here? Do I even belong here? Why am I here?"

When all the colors seemed to be eaten by the darkness, I let those questions linger, had dinner and commenced the obligatory alcohol sesh with the rest of the group. Great place, food and people, what more can I ask for?  We played lasing bobo loudly while drinking and it was one of the best lasing bobo games ever. Drinking and getting wasted by the beach with my friends and the new ones elevated that moment from happy to the best. And we all know what happens to best memories, yeah?

I was 2 bottles of Red Horse away from getting drunk but luckily, the alcohol gave up on us first. I decided to go skinny dipping with Florie and Drew and it was beyond crazy. Crazy in a very good way, of course. It's liberating. We didn't have any light except what the moon provided but the laughter with what we're doing was music to my ears. It was a night of pure laughter, I have to say.

I let myself float again under the black sky, unreal bright moon and tiny stars shattered everywhere as if pieces of broken glass. I always appreciate moments when I can get to see stars. Being a city girl, I hardly see stars anymore or most of the time, I'm way too comfortable with the city's dashing lights that I forget that stars exist. There, surprisingly, I got the answer to my very emotional questions earlier. It's as if the the moon, stars and the cold sea whispered it to me... "You're here to see this. Exactly this. Because you are a part of all this. You're right where you're supposed to be."

Floating in the dark, instead of being scared, I was smiling. I am smiling now as I type this. That moment made me feel more than good. More than human even. It made me feel one with every fiber of my being. It made me one with everything. I felt sheer bliss.

I wish I had a picture, even just a single picture of the sun, moon, sky, sea, the colors, of that moment, all in one frame. Not just to put in here but for people to understand what I felt because of those elements. But I guess what I got there is only for me.

And for that, I am forever thankful of you, Calaguas.

Of 2014 And To More

It's as if it was just 2 weeks or so when I wrote about 2013 (dramatically, I might add) and now, I'm about to talk about how 2014 was to me. Time really does fly.

I've actually been putting off writing about 2014. I'm just not in the mood maybe, or like, I really don't know what to say. I find myself catching up with my thoughts when I'm down and at a lost for words when I'm happy. Can we file that under #writerproblems? Haha. It's pretty obvious that I've been struggling to keep up this blog with my life as it's happening too fast and yeah, you guessed it, I'm having fun. But I'm challenging myself now to write about the good stuff. It's much better, isn't it, to write about what's good in your life. I like the fact that it's in me until I die or probably even after but it somehow makes a lot more sense when I write it down and share it.

In my 2013 yearender post, my end note was 'Happiness is a choice'. And that's exactly what I chose for 2014.

This blog and my Instagram are fully aware of how things happened this 2014. I was out a lot. I usually don't like going out during weekdays but I learned not to mind that. I mean, it's always nice to spend time with people who matter, though, I think I kind of went overboard, but again, I didn't really care. It is exhausting but at the same time feels good. No one remembers their days at the office. No one. Well, except for the good days but I'd choose the movie nights, tambay/coffee catch ups and concerts (I was at 3 concerts this 2014, ccchyeaaah!) over that any time. 

Then there were my travels! It took my brothers, Chianne and I, almost a year to prep for our Indochina trip but it was worth it. I mean, come on, 4 countries in 10 days, that's something. Backpacking taught me a lot, as expected. It taught me to walk for how far just to save 2 dollars and appreciate my brothers and Chi more. It taught me though there's a language barrier, you can be understood with a smile and a simple nod. It taught me that the world is the home and that I should put more effort in to seeing it more. There was also the El Nido trip where it became evident that beautiful places are much more beautiful if you're with your friends. With traveling, I really believe that you can learn so much -  of the places, the people and of yourself. 

As for my yearly list of books and films, I was able to read 7 books and have watched 80 films for 2014. Honestly, those are bad numbers for me. I wanted to read and watch more but again, I was out a lot. Haha. I also became a part of something really cool and creative this year - BookBed. So far, I've written 3 articles for it and I'm excited to continue my part this 2015. 

Like I said before, this is the life I've always wanted, this is the life people get jealous of, everything that's happening at the moment is meant to happen and 2014 made me live that life more.

So for work, well, I have no work now. I don't see it as a downer though. Yeah, I have to find another job and that can mean I'm back to square one but I'm kinda relieved on being laid off. Don't get me wrong, I loved being there and I miss Pat, Joyce and Ate Rox everyday. I can do whatever and whenever, but it has to, at least, fulfill me. That job wasn't really doing that anymore. It has been disheartening and have been all about the money. I am, however, so far, handling funemployment pretty well. I've done interviews and just taking my time. 

As for the entirety of my friends, I feel like we're really growing up, though sometimes we question ourselves if we are really growing up. We're being adults, in a way, like as far as what what we've been through or what we're going through individually, it not foolishly easy anymore. Like with love, we would have conversations and experiences about it over and over and now, we're realizing that it's not just about that, but more on having a commitment to someone. Hell, some of them are even married now and having kids. It's sad in a way that a mom would say play time's over to a child but exciting cause maybe we're ready for the big things.

To my friends, thanks for growing up with me. The coming years may give us heaps of those big things but we all have each others' backs, that's for sure. I love you. 

My family also experienced a huge change this year as my youngest brother went to Dubai for work. We are a very close-knit family and I think with Red leaving, of course it's sad but it just brought us all closer, you know, to compensate the space left behind. I am proud of him for taking that step. And proud of my whole family for going through this change still strong.

Mama, Papa, Gian and Red, I love you. Thanks for always believing in me. Thanks for always being there.   

I'm really not a New Year's resolution type of a person but I was drunk last year when I made that post and have mentioned a couple of things. Just to recap...

1. I said I'll lessen my smoking. I did, kind of, but on the latter part of 2014 when I got sick so, mini check for that. 

2. Lessen time on Facebook and Twitter. I think I did well on this one. I go online everyday, sure, but it's mostly to message my friends and that's it. So, check!

3. To love myself more. One fat check. I love myself. With how shit went down this 2014, it's pretty obvious.

4. Smile. I am proud to say that it has become a habit of mine to smile at people I'm meeting, I am with and even to people I secretly want to punch square in the mouth. Smiling is so good.  

Yeah, I'm done with resolutions. Haha. 

I want to go in to 2015 blind but very much willing to take in moments that are really for me. Like I said, I want to challenge myself, see what I am capable of. I want to take in responsibilities that maybe I should have taken long before. If I'm not strong enough, I want a moment where I can be stronger. Both in the mind and in the heart. I want moments to show how thoughtful I am now and moments to show me how much I can feel. I want moments. And I will create moments because there's no such thing as a life that's better than mine, so I must swim against the tide. 

Maraming salamat, 2014! You were wonderful!

Let's get it on, 2015!

Oh my, El Nido!

I was in El Nido, Palawan with my sisters, Vivi and Florie, bb Ella, Randy and at the last minute, Drew, last September (I knooow! Late post again!). I have been to Palawan before but was only in Puerto Princesa with the family and have vowed to come back as I know the province has a lot more to offer.

El Nido is known for having the best islands in the world. Huffpo even has an article solely talking about it as the one place you can't miss if you're in the Philippines. I mean, just Google "El Nido" and you'll get what I'm talking about. And here's how we got around and fell in love with it...

We arrived in Puerto Princesa around 10:00 am headed straight to a 5-hour drive to El Nido. First few hours was fine, but on the last hour, nearing El Nido, the road became a bit unsteady. I remember Ate Rox telling me that years ago, it was a rocky 5-hour drive but it's good they have made improvements.

We have arrived!

Waiting for the van.

"Ah guys, nasan na tayo?"

We got to Telesfora, our accommodation, at around 3:00 or 4:00 pm. Got settled in and went to Maremegmeg Beach which is a 15-minute trike from our place.

Telesfora's beach front.

To the beach! To the beach!

"Can we just sit down" moment at 

Maremegmeg beach.

The next morning, we're off to our day tour - Big Lagoon, Small, Lagoon, Secret Lagoon, Shimizu Island and the Seven Commando beach.

Hello, Big Lagoon!

"Kuya, pwede na po ba kami bumaba?"

There ya, go!

Kayaking at Small Lagoon where we fell twice!

This was also the moment we knew 

we love our Go Pros much more than our own lives!

Not so secret anymore eh, Secret Lagoon.

At Shimizu Island.

5 lovelies at the Seven Commando beach.

That evening, though tired, sore and with stinging skin pain, we headed over to town to have some drinks and got to see the main El Nido shore at night.

Cue in Jah Sun's reggae hit "Never Give Up"

On our last morning in El Nido, Ella, Florie and Drew hiked the Taraw Peak and slightly injured Vivi, Randy and I went to the Snake Island and the Cathedral.

I would have loved to hike this but I'm not that of an

adventurous person yet. Lol. 

And it's very steep, Florie had nightmares of the rocks after.

Them kids at Taraw Peak.

Kids at Snake Island.

Solo boat to the Cathedral.

We wanted to go inside but our boat's too big 

and the tide's way too high, according to our guide.

We had lunch all together back at Telesfora and then went to Nacpan beach.

1-hour shaky tricycle ride from Telesfora but it was 

soooo worth it, see!

We wanted waves, we got waves!

After Nacpan, we rushed to get our stuff ready as we're catching the 5:00 pm ride back to the city. The next day, which is the last day of our whole trip, Vivi and Florie went to the Puerto Princesa Underground River while Ella, Randy, Drew and I stayed at our place, which was the gorgeous Acacia Tree Hotel.

This trip pretty much wrapped up my travels for 2014. El Nido is definitely one for the books, I'm telling you. Everything seemed extra... sparkly. From the sun, sand to the sea. It's a paradise to play with, to create moments with, and I'm happy and grateful to have spent it with the people that makes this life of mine shine. It's nice to see different places, but I think, in a way, it's better if you have a little bit of home with you, may it be just yourself or with someone you can just glance over to and have your eyes say, "Let's do this!".

I love you, five!

P.S.
2 Palawan points for me now. I'm looking at you, Coron!