Far good

Right now:
5:10 in the morning. Waiting for the clock to hit 6 so I can log in at work to do some OT. I'm in my desk, typing this, obviously. The best friend's at the couch sleeping after stuffing ourselves with super unhealthy food, complaining about life and him schooling me on The Matrix.

Not right now, more like, this is how I open this entry up:
It's been 2 months since I wrote here and I have been trying to, really, for the past 3 weeks, but I just don't know where to begin. Quite frankly, I had an idea what this blog will be about for this year but a lot has happened, I don't know if I'll be able to be in detail here and even make sense really, but what the hell, here it goes..

Birthday month happened and I was thrilled. Nana and my cousin Jerby were here so I was in every mall in the metro for the first days of 2014. I also went to the Phoenix concert with Ella last January and oh man, it was so so so good.

Dinner with Kuya Xyruz at Mr. Kurosawa. 

I have been craving for their Iwo Jima Pizza since!

L-R: Gian, Papa, Nana, Red and Mama.

Phoenix! <3

The birthday happened. Ding ding ding, hello 25th year of my existence! I had a party and yes, my parents organized it. It was sweet of them to have my friends over. I'm used to spending my birthdays alone and somewhere far but the way it went down this year was fun.

The birthday gang!

A week after my birthday, it was Chinese New Year and Dani's birthday so since we're cool (or so we think), we braved Binondo among hundreds of people and dragon dances to celebrate both events. I've been to Binondo a bunch of times but this is my first Chinese New Year there, so it was an experience.

I had dinners with almost everyone to anywhere. I was, or still am, busy eating and not getting much sleep. There's the usual drinking sesh with the gang, oh well, few of gang who had "life" turning situations for the past what, 5 months. Drinking makes you numb and happy - that's just what I need right now. I mean, I'm down with the self-care and making life after that trouble, but I need to somehow tune the feeling down sometimes. And drinking is so far the best way to do so.

I've also been engaging myself back to what I love -  family, friends, movies, TV shows and books, and I'm keeping up. Not that I've abandoned them or anything, just keeping up with appreciating them more. All of my friends apparently has sepanx with each other and we're making the most out of it. We talk like, all day, every day with every communication app possible. It's crazy. My laptop and hard drives are full and I'm slowly making way through my stacked up books. I feel like I am myself again, you know.

After turning 25, really, I didn't feel much change or maybe it's just too early for me to say so. All I realized was 25 is when shit gets a little less cute.

I'm starting to feel the gravity of the responsibilities I should have looked in to ever since started working. I know I'm late with this, but I actually now have a financial list and app where I put in income and expenses and all that crap. It's good seeing the list and marking things I have already done, makes me comfortable in the sense that my money goes in to important stuff. I kind of miss getting shit I think I need but really don't though. I don't think anyone's ever really gotten over that feeling. I think I even said to Dani once that I'm feeling "make up deprived". I sincerely believe that that is a legit feeling and I need to do something about that soon. And by soon, I mean, 2 months from now.

Work is good. I mean it has gotten routinely - get to work at 6:00 am, cig break after an hour, lunch break at 10:00 am and go home by 2:00 am, but it's okay. No, not okay just... blah. I don't want to complain because really, I am compensated well with this job, better than most of my friends with their jobs even. But I am not challenged anymore, you know. There's nothing new and I'm not bragging here, but there's nothing to it that I don't know. I told myself that this year would be a "career year" for me, meaning, I'd work for my future with this company but I'm not seeing any light. It's a dead end job. I will be a proofreader for as long as I can, I think. And it sucks because I know I can do better than this, like with this company, I can manage people or even in a different field - I can do better. But it's like I'm stuck because 1. the money and I'm being accountable for it now. 2. it's not easy to get another job, regardless of what kind and 3. I'm trying to be the bigger person by sucking it all up for the sake of what's ahead of me.

I don't know how I'll keep up with this. I guess as long as it pays the bills. And I'm having fun with my officemates anyway. We don't get to have much interaction but you have to learn to appreciate the little things, like a cookie left at my desk by Joyce for breakfast, Pat's "Good morning, bbkong!" and Ate Rox's hugs. Those things make my life a little sweeter especially now.

As for myself and ahem, feelings - I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that that thing that happened doesn't affect me anymore. Sadly, it still does. But not quite like how it was before. And I'm not in a hurry to feel any different. I'm aware now that this is the time for me to just let the questions be. And I can control myself now. Well, I have been controlling myself since this shit happened and I'm getting used to it - the pain and the heavy heart. I'm getting used to the silence. It's not that loud in my head anymore. There are moments, of course, but I learned how to breathe and just let it all out. Let out the air that contains the things unsolved in my heart and mind. I still need more time and patience and I'm always praying for the courage to pick myself up every day.

So that's it so far. I'm done with my OT and Carlo left like 2 hours ago. Must sleep for Aika and Fong's birthday barbecue later.

'13 Going On '14

Thanks to Instagram I can easily look back at what went down this 2013. Photos are for looking back at moments we were congested with feelings, may it be good or bad; moments we'll never get back.

2013 was a huge deal to my family. I got to see my Tita Arlene again after almost 11 years and there's my lola at Ilocos who dropped by and I haven't seen her in years, too. It's amazing how much we love someone even though we don't get to see and experience their warmth everyday. It's faith, I guess, knowing that they are there, makes the distance seem like nothing.
My brothers graduated from college this year. Yes, I am a proud Ate. It took them time to graduate but our family didn't mind. Having education is the only thing our parents can give us that won't be ripped off just as easily. So with that, they can take all the time they want. This is their time after all.
Papa won this year's barangay elections, too and we all worked hard to give him all the support he needs. My parentals just has this innate light in them to help people. I have witnessed yet again some people try to diminish that light but my parents are strong; helping others makes them who they are.

I was kind of lost on the friends part on the first months of 2013. I had a phase where I didn't know what to say to them so I just listened. But they emerged for me, everyone emerged for me, when I needed them the most. I am forever grateful of them and I wouldn't have gone through that sucky situation without them. This year tested how far we can go for each other and I'm proud to say that we have passed. We have given each other time and really, we all just need someone to be there. With friendship, you just have to be there and listen, and if you're lucky, they will ask you for what you think.
I was able to tell them things I can't tell to myself. I love the love they give me, they make me feel untouchable. We remind each other who we are. Friends are there to make you laugh and cry and realize who you really are.

I got to travel a lot this year, up top please as since last 2012, I promised to give some time to travel. I got to go to Caramoan last February and it was beautiful. I have experienced the Pahiyas Festival in Quezon with my High School friends and lastly, CDO, Lanao del Norte and Bukidnon with Ella, Vivi and Florie. I have always loved indulging myself in different cultures and seeing beautiful places one has to see, as this world is so big, as a human being, you can't just stay in your couch and watch TV. And I believe that being in a different place makes you discover things you don't even know about yourself.
I also got to go to a concert this year - The XX. It was a magical moment with Ella and I won't ever forget the music filling my ears and letting my body dance.
While I enjoyed going out, of course there are days where I preferred pajamas over people. It's just wasn't enough to fulfill my yearly 100 movies and 10 books. I'm sorry, self. I only got to watch 76 films and read 2 books. It's embarrassing. But GRMM's ASoS was way ass long and my HD for movies was busted for almost a month. I'll make it up this 2014, I promise.

Work was pretty swell for me this 2013. My 22-year-old self is currently giving me a high-five for sticking to a job for a year now. I've always wanted a stable job and I have it now. Some of my officemates were laid off and that sucked big time, especially since I was just getting used to them in my life, but you know, friendships just don't happen. You guys work on it and so far, we're doing pretty good. I don't remember who told me that having real friends at work is impossible but I'm proud to say that I have a small circle of friends and they make it less boring.

One can never go through life without a friend and I am beyond thankful that I have tons. Like, really, tons. To all of my friends, from the bottom of my heart, half-coated of nicotine lungs and always-craving-for-Macchiato tongue, thank you. Thank you for being up with me in the clouds and holding my hand when it's time to go down. I'm looking forward to more years with you guys. My love for you grows each and every time. I will never get tired of crazy moments with you. You make everything in my life colorful.

To my mains - Papa, Mama, Gian and Red (GAAAAAD I'M CRYING), thank you. Thank you for simply being you and loving Nikka. Everything I do and will do are all for you. Thank you for not seeing me differently even if I fuck up. We had a great year and life is so beautiful because of you guys. I love you.

To the new ones in my life, OMG, brace yourselves, we're gonna have one sweet and awesome ride! No seriously, thank you for accepting me for who I am. And I am more than grateful for you letting me in to your life. I'm still trying to figure things out and maybe you are too, so let's figure things out together. I cannot wait for this relationship to grow and I want you to know that you've got a friend in me.

For those who came and left, thank you. Still. Life's a constant motion of change. It's sad that with that change, we don't understand things between us anymore but the universe conspired for us to meet. That has to mean something. Now, maybe it's just through. We're not sure exactly why and what for but it will all come together. I believe in that. And I'm glad I had you once in this lifetime. I'm sorry if ever I hurt you. I want you to be happy, so happy, even in the parts of your life that I will probably never see.

2013 has been nice to me. Thinking about the things that I did, the things that I now aim for, people did for me, the way I think, and the people around me, makes me sigh, smile and realize that this is the life I've always wanted. This is the life that people get jealous of. I got my family and friends. Pretty solid. I grow every year and I am blessed. The latter part of the year wasn't exactly good but I take full responsibility of that. My life's good, I mean, I couldn't ask for more. But I did and that's why shit hit the fan. I kept on hurting myself, asking and looking for things not meant for me. I know it's completely okay to desire but too much can kill you. I'm a person who's never content and I don't intend to be just okay with what I have, but really, you have to want the right things. I don't particularly know how to distinguish those things but you'll feel it, you know. I have experienced the power of human instinct this year - you'll feel it if it's for you. People get hurt because they don't know their place. I was hurt because I didn't know mine, but I now do. A friend told me once that I get angry easily but I'm slowly proving otherwise, I think. I'm learning how to control myself. I'm learning how to let go gracefully the things that aren't for me.

Randy and I roll our eyes when we hear people talk about resolutions. We're negative like that. I don't do resolutions because I'm pretty secure of who I am. Well, still needs some minor touch ups. I'm not a future-thinking person but maybe it's time - let go of the past, live the moment and think about the future. Well, once in a while.
So as for resolutions, fine - to lessen smoking and time on Facebook and Twitter. To love myself more; to realize that I may know how to handle pain but that doesn't mean I'd always let myself endure it. And to smile more. Not mentally-crazy-smile but you know - smile.

I'll be 25 years old this year. I know myself, I am living the life I have always wanted but I still don't know who I want to be. I think that's hard to even think about, but when I look at the people around me, I realize I want to be like them. The people you surround yourself with brings out the best in you.
I want to be like my parents, always willing to help other people and forgive every shit that brothers and I do. I want to be like my friends, always saying what needs to be said regardless of the situation, always willing to give time for the things that matter. I want to be a true friend. I want to be like the new people in my life, always seeing the good in every one. I want to be thoughtful. I want to be like the ones who left. I want to be brave enough to walk away from the things that no longer serves me and protects me.
I want to be all that. Not necessarily completely but I want to, at least, manifest those characters because I may be flawed but I want to be the best that I can be.
Lastly, I want to be happy. I want to be filled with good vibes. Don't get me wrong, I recognize bad shit but with bad shit you should just see it, feel it and eventually move on from it.
Life goes on anyway.

Happiness is a choice and I'm wishing for all of you to choose that. Always.

Maraming Salamat, 2013!
2014, I am ready for you, bitch!
Happy New Year, y'all!

The xx In MNL

I first heard about The xx when Ella made me listen to their song, Heart Skipped A Beat. Well, that's it basically. I downloaded their first album and became one of those who eagerly waited for the second one which was released last year.

It was so easy to fall in love with their tracks. They have this significant sound where you'll know it's The xx anywhere. Their message is so transparent, you can't get any real than that. The xx's music, without realizing it, defines your current mood, your moment. You can't help but just close your eyes and feel it. That's what I did last July 30th. I have seen, heard and felt The xx.

Also, Oliver Sim's voice is just so... orgasmic.

Kachi, Ella and our DMs.

Here's a video from the concert I posted on my Facebook. Don't be shy to press play and listen to Try, my favorite song from em. Well, Facebook made it low qual but still, enjoy!

Post by Patricia Dominique Parado.

Photos are taken by Ella Jacinto unless otherwise stated.

Love From Lanao del Norte, Bukidnon and CDO!

This is the first time I went on a trip with my friends Ella, Vivi and Florie. We like talking about places and traveling but we never got around to actually doing so until last year when Ella scored, for all 4 of us, a seat sale for CDO. I have to be honest, I had no idea of our itinerary. Ella made it and she informed us but I had no time to read and absorb it. But I was aware that this wasn't going to be a very fancy trip because we're all short in terms of budget. We're open to the whole backpacking idea anyway though we're all admittedly, self-proclaimed couch potatoes and princesses in our homes. Basically, I just kept up as things marched on.

We landed on the newly built Laguindingan Airport in Iligan and we went straight to Lanao del Norte for 2 falls, one, the famous Maria Cristina Falls, the second highest falls in the country (grade school days, I know) and its natural power to produce energy, and the other was the Tinago Falls.

L-R: Vivi, me, Florie

Sisters!

Let's do this, yeah!

Getting to the first destination off our itinerary was interesting because we're new to the area and this is where we started asking random and fortunately, nice people for almost anything the internet didn't provide. I found it nice creating small talk to the locals, you can learn a lot from them.

The Maria Cristina Falls was inside a park slash hydroelectric plant so there were tons to see, not just the falls itself. There was a Botanical Garden and a small Crocodile farm as well.

L-R: Ella, Florie, Vivi

Maria Cristina Falls.

My bb Ella!

We asked around for directions on how to get to Linamon for our next stop, so that's another jeepney ride and almost 30 minutes in a habal-habal, we're at Tinago Falls. To get further there, we had to go down 430 winding steps. Damn, it's really tinago!

It's habal-habal time!

Let me just say that I hate stairs. I have always hated stairs. And heights. But of course, I couldn't just stay at the entrance of the resort, right? I had to push through this and going down those steep steps wasn't easy. And to help my feelings, halfway through, I realized that certainly, I had to climb up this shit once our trip down there's over. I called God or whoever's up there, saints even, to help me get through this, but once we got to the bottom, after my knees throbbed intensely, the sight blew everything, yep, even my sweat, away. It was so beautiful, like, I have no words. It's magical, breathtaking and definitely worth going those freakin' steps.

Tinago Falls.

We settled in and dived in to the cold water. Our guide helped us get to the raft that will get us near the falls by pulling a rope tied to a huge tree across it. The feeling under the falls was so electric. The drops we're like spikes that pinched my veins, making me feel more alive than ever.
God and those saints answered my prayers, thank you, as I was able to climb back up alive. I felt like collapsing, my heart's beating heavily but remembering Tinago falls, what I was just in to, it's all worth it.

It was almost a 3-hour bus ride from Linamon, Lanao del Norte to CDO. Checked in our hotel, The Victoria Suites in Divisoria, took a hot bath and finally, we had dinner at Kyla's Bistro at LimKetKai Mall.

Kyla's typa al fresco dining.

The next day was quite chill, as we just rented a cab to get to the Dahilayan Adventure Park in Bukidnon. It was a 2-hour drive, we passed by the vast pineapple fields Bukidnon was known for and the next thing we knew, we're at a top of a mountain, ready to do some heights trippin'. I was shaking the entire time.

Ella and Vivi prepping for the longest zip line in Asia!

Ella and Flore after their Drop Zone!

Had a late lunch at this grill beside the park. Good food. 

We got back pretty early so we had time to clean up and shop for pasalubongs and enjoyed a very delicious dinner at Candy's which, in my own humble opinion, has the meanest strawberry cheesecake.

On our last day, we got up early to meet up with the Bugsay people, a company that handles different kinds of outdoor activities, for our water rafting gig. Looking back at my Caramoan trip, I should be nervous as I had an anxiety attack due to the fast waves but surprisingly, I was really excited. This is like, extreme for me. I had to do this.

Ready...

Set...

Go!!!

OMG that face.

Quick baths when we got back, checked out and waited an our for our flight back to Manila.

It was completely tiring but one of the best experience ever. Not only did I travel, saw great sights and was with my bestest friends, but I also got to do some firsts and physical adventures which I thought I could never do. This trip tested me and I have to say, "Life, I passed." And I so enjoyed it.

Photos are taken by Ella Jacinto and Vivi Victorino unless otherwise stated.