"Oh, Nothing Much"

My social life died when Game of Thrones aired their 3rd season but I am not complaining. I have waited for this for a year. I'm such a huge fan it's basically all I can think and talk about. Episode 9 though (as with every season) is the shit. It was the Red Wedding and I flipped. Like literally flipped. I let myself go at our living room and cried in my bed. This show is way too much. But just like with every addict, I want and need more. Best thing to ever appear on TV. No shit. The last episode for this season is this Monday so after that, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my Mondays again. 

I still kinda miss my friends. "Kinda", yes, as I still feel like I don't have much to say to em if ever we get together again but I do miss em. I was able to see Carlo, Dani and Ella though, separately. It was nice talking to them and hearing updates but I don't know if they noticed that I'm struggling with my own story to share. I don't want them to feel like I don't give a shit with what they say because I do care. I just have nothing sensible to say, pretty much. I have nothing to say at all with everything recently. I'm getting pretty good at shrugging things off. 

Hannah, our friend who now resides in Abu Dhabi, came back for a visit. Those 20 days were hella fun. We were all over the place. I'm so happy I got to see her again. Yeah, we have Facebook and Twitter which we make use of ALL THE TIME for our shenanigans but nothing compares to having your friend across you, laughing and pulling your hair because of a joke. I'm quite sensitive about people leaving but with her coming back here made me realize that some things don't change after all. And finally, according to her, she has a picture of us together during this chapter of our lives.

While waiting for her plane back to Abu Dhabi, she called and thanked me for spending time with her. She was crying, saying that I had been there from the moment she was having her hair fixed on the first day to having dinner with her family that night. It wasn't like it wasn't a big deal but of course, I made time for her. That's what friends do. It was something that doesn't need to be said between friends but I'm glad we had that conversation.

L-R bottom: Didi, Ella, me and Randy

Top: Aika, Jess, Hannah and Fong

at Friday's.

Nothing much is happening. I let work consume me which is surprisingly okay. At least I have income, that's what I have in mind. I guess that's enough to, you know, help me get by. I'm not inspired to do things, I'm just drifting and letting myself be jealous of I-have-everything type of girls every night on IG. I'm not happy but I'm not sad either. I'm just here. 

I think I need a project. 

Blame It On The Weather

This year started pretty dreadful for me. I sprained my ankle and was sick for almost a week. I even stayed overnight at the hospital because once my fever, due to my sprained ankle, was through, my stomach started acting up and I now have gallstones. Slow claps, please.
I abuse my body, I know. I stay up late, oversleep, stare in front of the computer all day, eat a lot, not eat at all, smoke and drink, but I never thought I'd have gallstones or any serious shit. Sure, I get fevers and colds from time to time but not to this extent where I know I have something that shouldn't be inside my body. I googled gallstones after I got my ultrasound results back and it scared the shit out of me. Then my fever keeps on coming back. The doctor told me I should just take in paracetamols but I was so sick of being sick, I took antibiotics. I started to feel better, yeah, but rashes started appearing all over my body. It was depressing to look at my arms and legs. It wasn't itchy, though it looked like I was on fire. I did water therapy for two days to flush off the meds and then I was back in the game.
If you would think about it, I basically suffered 3 illnesses in that week. My sprained ankle, gallstones and the fever. Sad. I think the fever was because of the sudden temperature drop. It is so freakin' cold!
On the bright side, it was a good decision for me to take my dieting seriously late last year. Office people had this Biggest Loser thing and I joined. I didn't win but I really got into healthy eating and exercising. After the holidays though, I kind of lost it. I went crazy over the heaps of food. Planning to get back on my feet this February. I must!

Other than that week, January 2013's treating me good. Just last weekend, I get to hang out with the gang and my sisters with bb Ella. Best weekend, I must say.
I needed that weekend. I mean, I'm good but considering that this is my birthday month, I'm not feeling anything special. It has been gloomy. I don't know if this is because of the weather (hell cold but I likey it), hormones or what else. It just hit me now as I type this that I rarely feel special anyway. It has always been me who makes myself feel special so what the hell am I looking for?

I remember this scene from SATC where Samantha wants this expensive ring so bad and then her boyfriend bought it for her, she was like "Ugh, why did you buy this for me? I was gonna buy this for myself." I guess I was expecting too much to feel special but I'm not doing anything to make it happen so I'm left feeling blue. That's why, though I would rather sleep the weekend off, I'm glad I spent it with my friends. And I still have a few days left to feel awesome this month so I will make the most out of it. Shake the blues away, baby.

So yeah, it's definitely the weather.

How To Deal

The low down:
I feel ugly today probably because it's the first day of my monthly bleeding vagina. I'm wearing my favorite black v-neck shirt and my boobs usually look good in this one but today, it's just not working for me. My face is breaking out, thank you hormones, and Bobbhie and Jan witnessed a dreaded, unavoidable moment in a girl's life - red alert. On a chair. At Ristras. This fine Mexican restaurant with huge Chimichangas. It's so fucking embarrassing. I couldn't stop saying sorry to the both of them, they told me it's okay but I'm just way too embarrassed, I have no words for it.
Then I got home, our water's cut off, thanks to my mom who kept on ignoring the bills for two months. Like seriously, how am I gonna work or how one will ever work without water? I had to get water over at daddy's before I could even clean myself. Imagine.

I am so exhausted. I'm dehydrated. I feel so dirty and ugly or maybe I'm just exaggerating but I don't fucking care.

Why do I surround myself with people who just pull me down? Why do I pick people who treats me like I'm nothing? And more importantly, why does it take time, painful over thinking and ahem, lotsa girl talk, for me to realize what's healthy and not in my life? Do I need to attend a class on judging people and maturity 101? I'm really trying to be good, you know. Most days, it all goes smoothly but with just one, tiny, strike, I completely loose it. Why am I like that? Is being good making me weak? Should I go back to being a cold-blooded bitch? I seriously don't know how to deal.